I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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