I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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