Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
