i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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