a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
