Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
