So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
