i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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