Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
