Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
