I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
