I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
