im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
im holly from the hills drunk
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
