And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
