I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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