who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
