I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
