In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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