DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
