This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
