Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
