i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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