Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
