she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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