And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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