its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Randomize
