no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
