office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
