Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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