my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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