I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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