he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
