I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
