Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
