he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
