She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
