He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
