one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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