Who wears a wallet chain?!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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