I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
