you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
