I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Will exercising make me less horny?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
