If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
