it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize