I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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