i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's rum buckets o'clock
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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