I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
