she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
