I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize