some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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