Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize