He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
BRING THE BAGELS
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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