dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize