I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
do herpes really smell.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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