Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
