Taylor Swift is so right about you.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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