it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
