Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The uberlube is also flammable
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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