Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
