You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I checked into jail on foursquare
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
