they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
