Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
