Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
the liver wants what the liver wants
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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