i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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