i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I skipped work to stalk him.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
