the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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