Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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