yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
