She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Never underestimate the power of titties
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
