your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
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