I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
