I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
