We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
