Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
