What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
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