I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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