They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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