Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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