i permit you to call me
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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