exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
