Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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