remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
