They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
