So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
