I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
