He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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