you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
