Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
