So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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