I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
