4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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