I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I need to sanitize my soul.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
