about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
