Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
