I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
4 words: hood of his car
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
