some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
