I like my sex mixed with concussions.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize