you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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