Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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