the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
