i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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