Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
