You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
