This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
