this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
