Michael Bay diarrhea
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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