the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
