i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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