Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
