So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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