no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
be right there i have to get my cape
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
