i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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