I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
