So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
