well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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