the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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