I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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