Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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