I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
