You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
